Remember, a few months ago, that I was accused of "fast-tracking" my life? Trying to pack in too much in too short a time frame, do to much, be too much, feel too much? That's pretty common for people who have lost a lot and feel the fragility of life. It's even more common for caregivers who've lost their "charge," and suddenly a) have lots of empty time (not a good thing, for awhile--too much time to think about loss), and b) have lots of things they've missed doing or wanted to do throughout the time they were caregivers. It's exciting to be able to do what you want, when you want, if that's not been part of your life for many years!
But biting off more than you can chew becomes a very real danger. I've watched other former caregivers and widow(er)s dive headfirst into unhealthy relationships and marry very quickly (and unhappily), quit jobs with nowhere to go and not enough money to sustain themselves, and other "reckless" behaviors. I've tried to move slowly into things that have a lasting impact--but I will admit to giving in to the excitement of feeling ALIVE after so long and going paddle boarding at 4:30am. Going sky diving again. Learning how much I stink at rollerblading now and that I should really get knee pads.
I saw this little card by one of my favorites, Susan Mrosek (Pondering Pool--check her out!), and it struck me that as we caregivers re-enter the world after being relieved of our duties, this is exactly what happens. Our very tired inner children become petulant--"you haven't taken care of me for SOOOOO long. It's my turn. I want ice cream and candy and video games and skipping school and you're not going fast enough!"
As I approach four months post-caregiving and I settle in a bit, I realize that if many caregivers had people to care for US, our inner children would have far less need to drive in the fast lane, to what are sometimes dangerous places, in search of pleasures they've not felt for so very long.
