In looking back at this journal, it's all about my grief, my search for happiness (or at least an understanding of it!), etc. I guess that was the point when I started--if I didn't have anyone to explore those feelings with, I'd explore them with myself! But sometimes I get tired of self-exploration. If I was an outsider reading this, I'd think that I'm a self-centered person with no connection to what's important in the world. I get to explore those bigger things on occasions with friends who are able to take some time to sit or walk and talk about big things...about ideas. But my friends all have lives with significant others who get their time and energy for those conversations. I really miss D and B for that....they both loved those conversations, and I had daily access to them :-)
My mind has been spinning lately about so many "big world" things. About transportation issues in rural areas. About food access and food choice. About environmental cues that drive behaviors. About nutrients and the brain. About cancer and quality of life and choices for life (or death). About our political SYSTEM (not just our current state and national political candidates, who are no longer really worthy of thought!). About issues of aging and what the world could look like in 20-30 years for people my age. About what a "quality life" actually means, and how/why that differs for people. About GMOs and my inner turmoil about their importance (very!) vs their threat, and my need to learn more about this to come to better conclusions in my mind. About downtown revitalization, and the people it leaves behind. About ways to build community and reasons to build community. About fear, and how much in our inner and outer worlds are driven by this. I could keep listing all day. What do people do with these questions if they don't have other people to engage and explore and debate with? This is the first time I've ever NOT had someone with whom I can regularly have these conversations. I can write, but it makes me feel like I'm back in my Policy class, writing a blog about the Millenium Development Goals or Menu Labeling. It's not very helpful to talk or write AT people...without engagement, my learning and growth are limited!