habits
I lay in bed at 5 am, saying good morning to the spirits of my little boys, petting them in my mind. Loki was very present for me for a...
“The objects of sense exist only when they are perceived”
(George Berkely)
If no-one has any idea what I do, think, or feel, do I exist? Do I matter? Does what I do, think, or feel matter? How do I transcend this need to share, this need to be seen or known, in order to feel that I exist?
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I have experienced a lot of loss in the past five years...the death of my husband, the loss of my stepchildren with his death, the death of my best friend who I loved very much, the loss of my brother from my life when he didn't like the choices I made for my life, the loss of my two pups in the past year, the loss of my faith that I will not spend my life alone. I've learned that there are times that I LOVE to be alone (many of them!). But I've also learned that there is a great deal of loneliness, for me, in not being seen or heard. It reminds me of my childhood, when I never really "fit" in my family. I’ve felt alone for much of my life, and I realize that I feel like the tree falling in the forest. If it doesn’t make a sound, did it really happen? If I don't make a sound...if I am not perceived...do I really exist?
So this site is for me...an anonymous place to make a sound, every day. A place for me to look back and witness a life lived, a place for me to exist. --M.