apologies for my ego
Grief makes you do funny things...like forget that the world doesn't revolve around what you've experienced and how you feel. A few days...
“The objects of sense exist only when they are perceived”
(George Berkely)
If no-one has any idea what I do, think, or feel, do I exist? Do I matter? Does what I do, think, or feel matter? How do I transcend this need to share, this need to be seen or known, in order to feel that I exist?
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I have experienced a lot of loss in the past five years...the death of my husband, the loss of my stepchildren with his death, the death of my best friend who I loved very much, the loss of my brother from my life when he didn't like the choices I made for my life, the loss of my two pups in the past year, the loss of my faith that I will not spend my life alone. I've learned that there are times that I LOVE to be alone (many of them!). But I've also learned that there is a great deal of loneliness, for me, in not being seen or heard. It reminds me of my childhood, when I never really "fit" in my family. I’ve felt alone for much of my life, and I realize that I feel like the tree falling in the forest. If it doesn’t make a sound, did it really happen? If I don't make a sound...if I am not perceived...do I really exist?
So this site is for me...an anonymous place to make a sound, every day. A place for me to look back and witness a life lived, a place for me to exist. --M.